When I arrived it was dark. I had been up for a lot of hours and I longed to lie; the awkward postures in unfamiliar environments I felt almost into my brain. I knew from similar situations, that it was best if I could relax. But I couldn't.
An organ sounded that day. I remember it now. An organ. That day. I still remember it. An organ was playing that day.
Like vague sounds in an unfamiliar environment ― where, I admit, I immediately felt very much at home ― my skin cells trembled.
The trip was a day like any other, I was sitting in the train as if I was standing in the cigarette shop, as if I was lying in bed, as if I was entering the patio, as if I was listening to the ringing of the telephone.
This woman of the drugstore planted herself in front of me, placed a finger on my nose, so that by pressing she could enhance the visibility of the pores, and she said fat nose, that shouldn't be a problem. Then she slightly bended her knees, craned her neck and with her eyes reduced to slits she watched the hair above my upper lip.
As if I'm remembering more and more.
My gad, I could be tired.
From the station the first hotel, and after the ritual passing out in a deep sleep. That's how I imagined it.
In my favorite chair, just me and his shadow. He had talent; he did it without wasting a drop. The sight of that shadow play made me half wild. There was light behind my head, you should know, so that on the wall in front of me . . .
You really have nothing to be afraid of, everything is gonna be allright.
When my favorite aunt died of brain cancer, my mother suggested that perhaps the origin was in the fact that she had been dyeing her hair for at least twenty years. That woman never had her own color my mother said never.
Never forget the words of your mother.
No, honey, not even a dime.
I've been dyeing my hair for some six years now.
Why not try me for a change?
Up until the last day. I couldn't even bring myself to change clothes anymore. I thought am I going nuts here, or what? But I just did not have the muscle anymore. Go on. Go on.
What did the woman know.
I didn't pick up the phone any longer. In the end I didn't even pick up the phone any longer. Bunch of vultures.
But radiate. Boobs bumping and radiate.
And a dirty city, but beautiful. And stink, delicious!
After all these conversations. Nothing but mirrors. I cannot count the times that I have seen my reflection in the glass of a rattling pinball machine.
When there was a knock on the door, I pretended I was sleeping.
An organ played european-african, I can hear it now ta-ta-tì ta-ta-tì ta-ta-tì. That must've been a hit there, no doubt about it. ― As if they wouldn't have hits over there, dickhead!
Pounds of the stuff. And then dancing with the cat. Lights out, eyes closed.
Mio bambino, te quiero.
Can I be of any help madam? ― Ah, madam!
Madam yes. Ha ha ha ha ha yes.
Have you been out all day? But child, take heed!
The clock stopped at exactly twelve o'clock. I don't know twelve o'clock midnight or twelve o'clock midday. I think twelve o'clock midnight. Or else midday.
Hey why not give the kiddo something, hey why don't you laugh for a change?
Ungrateful creature. Unapproachable creature.
― Unrecognizable creature! ― Wrongly created creature!
Here guys, go for it, here meat, virginal meat, unspoiled meat.
Ta-ta-tì ta-ta-tì ta-ta-tì.
When I took the half-smoked cigarette from the ashtray to relight it, he said oh but that is something you should never do, that is unhealthy he said. And he gave me a fresh one, Lucky Strike.
Yes endless conversations.
There are great dangers attached, I hope you can understand.
Only a small percentage knows how to be happy with the result.
Many suicides. Do you understand? I want to talk with you about your expectations.
Endless conversations and thousands of photos.
I have traveled extensively, Rio, Panama, Bangkok. I went to Bangkok. How does one picture that?
Yes, I have known love.
I think these pants are really insane. And what incredible sunglasses I recently found! I just have to have something on my face, you should know.
Yes, try me.
Or did you think those guys want to see my passport before . . .
I wrote a letter about love and loving. When I saw him I acted as if I didn't know him. Then I looked him straight in the eyes.
I was a complete stranger there.
See that is a wall and that is a wall and that is a wall and that is a wall. And there's the kitchen. And through that door you can go outside.
Hear the little bird sing. Hear that high hot thing.
Yes, I have friends.
Sitting facilities. Standing facilities. Lying facilities.
Yes I was a complete stranger there. But then I walk one street after another and finally I arrive where I'm headed. Although I never laid eyes on any city plan. And this is my experience, wherever I go.
© mc 1978-2014
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